Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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