i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
