I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
