This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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