I wannas sexs uuuuu
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
