So drunk its hurt
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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