apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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