I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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