let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
