I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Every concussion has its silver lining
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
