He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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