sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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