remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
