I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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