It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
