I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
