doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Randomize
