this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
