I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
