fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
