peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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