chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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