how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
