I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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