you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
