And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
