She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
