Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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