Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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