Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
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