I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
