I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
