it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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