I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
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