o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
