Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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