Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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