I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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