I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
