Betty ford says i'm here all night
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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