She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
