...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
