It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
