I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Ketchup is God's man juice
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
