so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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