just come out here and I will go home with you...
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
So I just went to clothing optional bar
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
