her vagina looked like bernie madoff
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
