After last night, I could never be a politician.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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