I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
