Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
